Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's rum buckets o'clock
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
