he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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