Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Actions speak louder than pants.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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