im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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