I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
