my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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