My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We left an ass print on the piano.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
