I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
