I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
