I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
