nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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