Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
