so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
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Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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