Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
