after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
