then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
