peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I touched a dick in church today
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
