Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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