i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize