Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
