Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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