i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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