You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
