he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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