i just had sex bonerless
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
