I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
