Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh god the rape fog is back!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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