Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
