dude i'm inner monologue high
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
