so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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