I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
