omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
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We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Your penis caused this!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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