we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
