Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
