Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
