i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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