I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
