It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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