Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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