Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it's like iHOP with fire
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
