umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
