dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
