Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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