I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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