haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.