I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Terrible idea I love it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?