Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME