Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.