I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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