I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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