Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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