ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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