Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
