So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We left the knife in your bed.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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