The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
