yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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