He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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