She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
