every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
