is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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