Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my liver is dry heaving
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
