Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
