We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
