I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
