She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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