It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
