Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
