Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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