Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
