i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
