Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
