She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
