Just fell off a train. Bad.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
