Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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