She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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