Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
MIDGETS
????
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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