grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
