You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
