White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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