It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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