I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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