Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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